Tapping Expert
by Scarlet Path
Summary: Matthew needs to help raise Maple Syrup sales. Though, it's hard enough to be noticed. What is a Canadian to do? A crash course on how Maple Syrup is made... sexual innuendo style. Rated M because of a Sexy Canadian.


Matthew sat down at the world meeting. It was now lunch break and everyone was eating what they had brought with them. Some sharing and even some trying to steal a bite. Matthew hummed out, lost in thought. His fingers drummed on the table as he stared at a bottle of Maple syrup he had put out in front of him. He had planned on trying to up the sales in his Maple Syrup, though he never got the chance to have his turn speaking. Typical.

"I'm not noticeable, eh?" He fumed. Too stressed to even eat the pancakes he brought with him. His mind raced as he tried to find a solution. An idea struck him and a grin soon followed. His French Canadian half flared to life.

"I'll just make them notice me."

Without thinking, he sat up. Using his chair as a foot stool, he stood up onto the table, placing his hands on his hips. Soon everyone stopped what they were doing and slowly turned their attention to the Canadian in curiosity. Matthew could see Ludwig about to yell at him. So he quickly lifted his hand, palm out, to silence him.

"Allow me to talk about something. Something that would bring…" Matthew paused for a moment, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment. "Immense _joy_ to your lives." He added with a very soft groan. Letting his eyes slowly open up, he could see some widen stares of those who caught onto sexual innuendo.

"Maple Syrup." His tongue dipped out, lightly stroking his top lip

"But first, let me teach you about _tapping_." Matthew place emphasis on the last word, ignoring some of the confused looks.

Someone then spoke up from the group. "What does tapping-" He was suddenly caught off by Matthew.

"Syrup." He groaned in response, running his hands slowly through his hair. He was going to teach these Hosers how Maple syrup is made and just how great it was.

"It can only be made in spring." Matthew's hands slowly started to travel down his chest. He shifted his hips, playing on a slightly aroused expression.

"When the sap flows…_stimulated_.. " He lets out a soft gasp, his hands going dangerously lower, past his hips. "…as days become _hotter_, followed by below freezing nights."

A dark sensual look glazed over his eyes, swaying his hips slightly as his hands lightly squeezed his upper thighs. "'Size' matters." He moaned. "Tap holes one to two inches are _deep_ enough to _satisfy_ as natural…" Matthew pauses, his breathing picking up. "Clear.." Then a gasp followed by a shiver. " Sap _rushes_ from these holes and into the collection system!" He cries out softly as if he had a mini orgasm, his hands ghosting over his crotch.

"Horry shit!" Came an immediate response from the Japanese man, whose face looked pale from the lack of blood. Mostly because it was running from his nose.

A satisfied sigh then left Matthew. He sauntered over to the bottle of Maple Syrup he had on the table. Reaching down, he bends his hips, giving the lucky ones behind him to have a gracious view of the great Canadian landscape. Picking it up, he straightened up, presenting it with an elegant wave of his hand.

"Sap contains about 97% water. Maple syrup can contain no more than 34% water." He then unscrewed the top of the bottle and slowly dips his finger inside. Twisting it gently and giving it a few small thrusts.

"Evaporation removes the water and transforms Maple sap into Syrup." He then slowly pulled his finger out, glancing up to the red faces watching him with unblinking eyes. Sticking his tongue out, he ran the tip of it along his finger. Wrapping his lips around the tip of his finger, he moaned out, slipping the whole appendage into his mouth. Slowly, his puckered lips drew back, determined to get every drop of sweetness. Pulling his mouth off, a soft gasp left him. His face flushed with a pleased look.

"To get just one litre of syrup, 20 to 50 litres of sap had to be boiled over an open fire. " He then ran the moist finger over the bottom of his lip, gazing over at the others through half lidded eyes. Moving his one hand, he moved it up against his chest and slipped it into the inside of his jacket. His hand pulled out and inside his hand was three different spouts for tree tapping.

"Spouts can be made out of wood, plastic or metal." His eyebrow wagged as he presented them. Making a small show how phallic they actually looked by stroking them with his thumb and pointer finger. He then tossed each one out into the crowed. Matthew grinned when he saw a couple of scrambles to get at them. His hand then reached inside his jacket again and quickly pulled out a long, clear rubber tube. In a whipping motion, he smacked at the table before holding the tube in both hands. "Later tubing vacuum suction pumps were added." Tightening the tube, he ran his tongue over it.

"Oh, but don't worry. Trees love being _tapped_." Matthew said as he walked down the edge of the table, lightly ruffling the hair on a couple of head. "It doesn't hurt the trees. Some have been _tapped_ _continuously_ for 150 years." His eyes closed in bliss as his body squirmed, letting out a shuddering sigh. Turning his head over his shoulder, he winked at those behind him. "Rawr~" He purred.

A loud 'Mein Gott!' was heard over the commotion all around him. People all around him had his undivided attention.

"So~ Who wants Maple Syrup?"

A loud roar of responses erupted. People reaching out, waving their Dollars, Euros and Dongs (Hey! It's the Vietnamese currency you pervs!) at Matthew.

"Hey! You only have to sell it to me, bro!" Alfred said, waving his hand frantically to get Matthew's attention.

"I would be… 'honoured' to buy your product." Came a polite response from Kiku. Whom at the moment was holding a bloody tissue to his nose.

Suddenly a loud shout was heard and a hard slamming sound of Ludwig's hand on the table. Everyone soon quieted down. Clearing his throat, Ludwig tried to remain calm. That was until he reached out with his money, his head down, looking at the table in embarrassment.

"I.. I would like some too." Was his response before everyone else went back to yelling and waving their money.

"Get me some too, West!" Gilbert harshly poked at his younger brother.

"Nein! Get your own!"

"Awww! Weeeest! I don't have any money!" Gilbert whined. Pouting, he felt determined to get some orgasmic Maple Syrup.

Matthew watched his handy work come to life. His arms crossed over his chest as he enjoyed all of this attention.

"Perfect. All according to plan." Matthew then grinned. He then felt two arms tightly wrap themselves around one of his legs. Looking down he saw Gilbert looking up at him.

"Give me Maple Syrup! I don't have the money but.. but I'll let you do all those kinky things to me for some!" Gilbert pleaded, obviously having a different type of 'Tapping' in mind. Matthew's eyes widened in time of his blush. Stunned for a moment, his surprized look soon faded and was replaced with a grin.

'_All according to plan… and some.'_

**Canada's Maple syrup 10,500 producers make 85% of the world's supply. Quebec makes 92% of this.**

**Canada sells 40,000 tons valued at 213 million dollars, to 45 different countries. Most exports go to the US (56%), Japan (7%) and Germany (8%).**

**Yes. Canada and the world loves Maple Syrup. So Canadians let the image of the Maple Leaf officially tied up to our national identity. So don't be a sap! Salute our sweetness!**


End file.
